The Fall Sports Season is …

To me, the fall sports season is, well, a lot of different things.

The fall sports season is …

Rolling my eyes whenever a home team’s public address announcer reads off some unsuspecting co-ed’s name in front of a few thousand people, and informs her that so-and-so wants to ask her to homecoming. Talk about a dereliction of duty. C’mon, fellas: Show some intestinal fortitude and ask her yourself.

Cringing while listening to certain P.A. announcers who, as the game progresses, morph into cheerleaders for the home team.

Talking to a photographer on the sidelines during a football game, asking that photographer how much his equipments costs … and realizing his digital camera and zoom lens are worth more than the vehicle I’m currently driving.

Roasting at outdoor events when the season gets under way, and freezing at those same events come late October and November.

The fall sports season is …

Making sure to sample at least one of the three main food groups—pizza, burgers and hot dogs—at any football, soccer or volleyball game I happen to be covering.

Getting periodic warnings throughout an afternoon football game about what to do and where to go in case of lightning, but not feeling a drop or rain—or hearing rumbles of thunder—until well after the game had ended.

Discovering that the tape in my microcassette recorder had started to bunch up inside the recorder toward the end of an interview. Then spending the next five minutes conducting microsurgery, if you will, so the tape won’t tear.

Confusing Isaac Haynes, a defensive lineman who plays for a West Suburban Gold high school, with the late Isaac Hayes—who wrote the musical score for the movie, Shaft—after hearing Haynes’ named announced over the P.A. system for registering a tackle during a recent game. What can I say? The “Theme from Shaft” is one of my all-time favorite tunes.

The fall sports season is …

Driving on I-355 en route to covering a prep sports event, and doing a slow burn while listening to a news report stating that the nine-member Illinois Toll Highway Authority Board approved jacking up toll rates by nearly 88 percent starting next January. By the way, each member of the board receives around $31K in salary basically for attending 12 meetings per year. How can I sign up for one of these board member gigs?

Dreading those occasions when a football team goes into a no-huddle offense. I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time, let alone add yardage on the fly and try to keep up with the chain gang along the sidelines.

Thinking that an IHSA rule, which keeps the clock running if one football team leads its opponent by 40 points, is the equivalent for a sports writer of getting to leave work early.

Watching with amusement as a homeowner who lives near Wheaton Warrenville South High School places a “Parking: $20” sign near the front of his driveway an hour before the big season-opening game between WWS and Glenbard West. That, folks, is capitalism and entrepreneurship at its best.

The fall sports season is …

Watching Tommy Schutt, Glenbard West’s standout defensive lineman, shove most opposing offensive linemen out of his way like they were foam blocking dummies while charging through the line. Schutt arguably is the most dominating player in the area.

Having a bowl of cereal on Saturday mornings, catching up on prep football highlights by tuning into Comcast Sportsnet Chicago’s High School Lites, and flipping channels between HSL, the Military Channel and the Three Stooges. I can’t think of a better way to start the weekend!

Admitting I had to Google “soccer tackling” after listening to a coach explain to me that he’d like to see his team improve their tackling this season. No need to set me straight, soccer enthusiasts. I understand the concept now.

Taking a quick glance at the entire Chicago pro sports scene—the Bulls locked out; millionaire Lance Briggs whining about being underpaid; the continually running Carlos Zambrano-Ozzie Guillen dog-and-pony show loop—and giving thanks that high school and college sports are back in season.